I recently talked about creating Mother Circles on UK Health Radio with presenter JJ Stenhouse.
You can listen to the show HERE.
Here are some highlights of the things we discussed:
1. Do Mothers feel Valued?
I think a lot of mothers do not feel valued for the extraordinarily hard work they do and the great work that they do.
Yes. This is something that comes up a lot in creating Mother Circles. Mums say, ‘I don’t feel seen’. Which is why spaces where they are seen and heard are so important. Mums don’t feel seen by society, they don’t feel seen by their wider family because everyone comes to see baby. And they don’t see mum. They’re not seen by their partner sometimes as well, because their partner’s in the middle of literally just coping and surviving, and they’re not being nurtured and nourished in the way that someone who’s just given birth needs to be.
2. What kind of impact does a Mother Circle have on a mother’s life?
It’s a hugely positive impact. My circles run for two hours, and within two hours I can see a mum let go of an awful lot of stuff and walk out different to how she arrived because she can laugh and cry and be honest and vulnerable and whatever she’s experiencing, at least one other mum in the room is experiencing the same thing. And as humans, we crave that connection. We need community. And to know that someone else feels the same way as you do is hugely healing and really transforms an inner dialogue from a negative one to a much more positive one.
And so much about being a mum is believing that you can do it. And what I focus on a lot in my Mother Circles in particular, is this conversation around, as a mum, it’s not your role to sacrifice yourself for your baby. It’s your role to look after yourself so you are in the best possible place to look after your baby. We have conversations around, what are you doing to look after you? who’s looking after you? where can you go for help? how can I support you to ask for the help you need?
3. Mother Circles are a community of revolution
I know that there’s magic in creating Mother Circles and that’s why I’ve had to do the learning to really drop into this space. And I have a little phrase, I say that community is revolution because I do think we’ve lost community. People have tried to separate us and that’s where we’ve lost our power and that’s where mothers have become even more separated. So to bring us back together is kind of my revolution – to transform the way that mothers are respected and valued. And that starts with us bringing each other together and really supporting each other in those spaces.
4. Mums are ashamed and need support groups of other mums
And lots of mums feel very ashamed that they’re not being the mum they thought they would be because their expectations are unrealistic. And we also are able to reset that so that the inner dialogue is much more helpful. And that, as you know, that impacts then on her baby and other children and the wider family and it ripples out into society.
There’s no real spaces where mums who are struggling can feel confident about saying ‘I’m struggling emotionally’. I had postnatal depression. I knew there was something wrong, but whenever I saw my GP or ticked the forms, I just said, everything’s fine, you know, no one really questions you. It takes a lot for somebody to go and say, I’m struggling. And that’s what the Mother Circle does. It’s that space.
5. I was asked to share my words of advice for a new mum
I would reassure her that what she’s feeling is felt by lots of other women as well, and that she’s not on her own and that she has nothing to be ashamed of and to reach out to somebody. I would really say, please don’t struggle on alone. Having done that as a new mum with postnatal depression, it’s horrible. Please be brave and reach out because there’s people. There are people out there who care for you.
I’d love you to follow this link and have a listen. Mandy Rees on UK Health Radio talking about Mother Circles.
To find our more about training to lead your own Mother Circles, click HERE.