I find that I often use the words ‘give yourself permission to rest’ or ‘give yourself permission to let go of whatever it is that is bothering you’ when I’m holding space for others.
I think they let go in that moment but I bet they are back on it as soon as they leave my space.
Why is it so hard for us as mums to give ourselves permission to do what’s right for us? Is this something you find hard? Is it or are you good at saying, “Do you know what, I don’t need to do this or be that. I give myself permission to be me.’
Don’t beat yourself for not meeting expectations. Instead; stop, breathe, engage brain. Who’s expectations are these? They are either solely yours or yours created out of what you think others expect of you.
This mean that you created them. If you created them, you can let them go too. How marvellous is that? You have all the power over your expectations. I know it still feels rubbish when someone comes to your house and you feel judged because it isn’t quite as ‘tidy’ or ‘new’ as theirs but so what? The world has not ended. The same people love you as before and maybe that person isn’t worth your energy anymore.
Hang out with the sunshine givers who get you and love you for you. Give yourself permission to let of those who really don’t matter.
Motherhood changes us. It makes us braver but also more scared in equal measure. You’d fight to the death for your babies but still feel terrified at the thought of not being quite what your parents expected. You are the grown up. You make the choices here.
You are never quite who you used to be once you become a mum. Some of that is good. Some of that is not. You are different. If anyone in your life isn’t happy with that or doesn’t want to support your choices…… they really aren’t your people. Find a box for them and place them in it. You can open the box when you want to or keep the lid tightly shut.
I’m not saying this is easy but the power is yours. Think Wonder Woman.
Those who are your people will respect your choices. They will be glad to see you being you again and starting to light up. Say yes to the things and the people that bring you joy and no to those that don’t.
I hope that one or two of these suggestions resonate with you and that you will give yourself permission to:
- ask for what you want
- say no
- make a mess
- ask for help
- dream as big as you like
- face your fears
- change your mind
- believe in yourself fully
- rest without feeling guilt or shame
- stop comparing yourself to others
- love your body as she is right now
- spend time alone or with friends
- own your choices
- take up space in this world
- mother the way you intuitively feel is right
- question everything
- dream of the birth you want for you and your baby
- step back from everything that makes you feel anxious
- let go of relationships that make you unhappy
- ask your partner to look after the children
- dance naked in the rain
This might feel hard but really it’s pretty simple. Start by asking for the things that feel the most easy and work up from there.
Decide what you want and do it.
The gift of permission to do so is entirely within your control.
You also control how you feel about it. Guilt is not an option here. You do not need to feel guilty about asking for the things you need.